Today...

Today....

I'm going back to my previous state
Felt so wrong for not moving forward
Felt relieved for not being an egoist
Felt bad for lying to myself

I don't know if this is what I need
Or what I want
Then I lost in a black hole
And endless emptiness...


Today's song:
Willamette Stone - Today (Smashing Pumpkins Cover)

In Dilemma

Weather:
Dark...

Goal:
Get out of this dilemma...

Today's Quote:
"We are our choices" - Jean-Paul Sartre


Bad choice.
Good choice.
Be rational.
Be logical.

I just got a job offer, which I was quite good at, but not my passion.
I feel empty lately.
Imagine that I gave up my dream again.
It was really hard.

But then, I need to make a living.

And suddenly I got a random message: "If u can dream it, u can do it. Have a nice day!"
This was so random and out of context...

But somehow soothe me a little.

That got me thinking "Are you living your own dream or someone else's?"

Still reading a lot articles to find an answer.
And gave that answer by this weekend...

In dilemma...

Sitting Here Do Nothing, except Listening and Watching

Weather:
Cold...

Goal:
Listening to music! More and many!

Today's Quote:
"Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness." - Maya Angelou


It has been a long time since I spent quite some times holding remote control and watched updated music videos. Here are some videos that make my butt attached tightly to the sofa! The hit songs?

Taylor Swift - Shake It Off
Catchy tune + a karaoke must sing song!

Taylor Swift - Blank Space
Amazed with the video! And the house, the car, the garden, the guys ...

Mark Ronson - Uptown Funk ft. Bruno Mars
Did you feel that beat and start dancing? Let's dance!

One Direction - Steal My Girl
Liam Payne! Sorry for being a fan in mid 20s...
My friend who is in her 30s with kids is also such a good fan!

Sam Smith - I'm Not The Only One
Love the music! Love the video! The most played song in phone!
Wait! That actor in Mindy Project! The actress looks familiar... Hmm...

Ed Sheeran - Thinking Out Loud
Soothing music + Ed Sheeran's dance = WOW!
My friend becomes a fan after watching Ed Sheeran dance :D

Maroon 5 - Animals
It's like watching a movie.
Please, please, I need the ending!

Sia - Elastic Heart
That girl from Chandelier! Okay I don't know who the singer is until the end of the video. Blame my ignorance!
Captivating dancing by that awesome little girl and look-alike Shia LaBeouf! I was astonished by that guy when he was hanging on top of the cage!
After watching the whole video, I told one of my epic karaoke partner who was a Chandelier's singer, about this new song. She was updated and told me that he was Shia LeBeouf! What? He is!

There are others that I heard lately from the TV:
Selena Gomez - The Heart Wants What It Wants

Ariana Grande - Love Me Harder ft. The Weeknd

I think my 2015 playlist will be filled with The Weeknd and Zedd and soundtracks!
The Weeknd - Earned It

Zedd - Stay the Night ft. Hayley Williams of Paramore

I know it's late, but it's one of my faves.

And this is my most played song!

Akdong Musician (AKMU) - 200%

Have a good night there! Or good day there!

Writing Artist Statement

Weather:
Giddy drizzly breeze...

Goal:
Writing artist statement!

Today's Quote:
"A picture is a poem without words." - Horace


Being honest here!
I love math, but I am not a mathematician.
I love music, but I am not a singer.
I love writing, but I am not a writer.
I write poorly.
Real Short. Simple. Straightforward.

If I had to write an artist statement in one sentence, I would write "It's my expression of life". End of the writing. My works, my life. It's a visual work, do people read that lengthy words?

While I tried to write an extensive explanation, I failed to be me. It was lengthy and superficial.
Checking all artists statements out there, they are really good and artistic with those beautiful words.

Gosh! Doesn't it hard to write one? It's HARD! The whole day, I just kept rewriting. Maybe, I'll continue tomorrow. Okay, I will rewrite perhaps everyday.

After reading some examples, I just opened up my sketch book and be honest with myself. It's more natural to write from the bottom of your heart! It ended up quite short with a little bit of flowery words. Quiet happy about it. :)

While browsing some guides, I came across this funny artists statements, which are true! And this generator!
Hope they can help you guys in writing one. Good day!

How to Write a Romance

Weather:
Summery mild day
Rainy hearty night
Another rhyming lesson...

Goal:
Reading and writing more stories!

Today's Quote:
"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." - Oscar Wilde


Lately romance story was a conversation topic among my circle. As female romance readers, we are really thrilled with the sensation of longing and being in love with someone, aren't we?
After a long online chat (yeah, this is how we spend our time), we concluded on how to write a good cliche unrealistic romance story:

Characters
Since romance books are mainly read by female readers, the main character is obviously a female.
I'm going to categorise characters into three types and I'm going to be a matchmaker! Woo!
One thing for sure, a woman character always has mysterious vibe that flames the curiosity! That's what makes a woman, huh?
And a man who undeniably have at least this idealistic combo:
- Super hot body, manly, smart, dreamy, passionate with prosperous fortune
- Super hot body, manly, smart, dreamy, passionate (yup!!) with great ambition

So here are the types:
1. The Collected Cultured Soul
An introvert individual who is shy, quite, yet sharp, deep, serious, and cultured.
2. The Friendly Fiery Butterfly
Usually a popular friendly person who is nice, chic, spirited, outgoing, majestic, and humorous.
3. The Troubled Tense Fellow
These living soul has troubled background. He/ she is compassionate but also neurotic with some attitude problems and a little bit unstable emotions.

I can't think of other types... Let me know if you find one!

You can mix and match this types, 1 with 2, 1 with 3, or 3 with 3, and add some unique personas: quirky, strong, wild, fashionable, showy, gentle, or else.
No secret, opposite attraction can be a starting point of a story.
And start with "men fall in love at first sight" or "he/ she is different' ideas.

Conflicts
Find a conflict, create the suspense, continue with climax, and end intensely.
Generally it's ended with a happy ending... Right?
There's a lot of conflicts out there. Use our daily problems to keep it real: materials, family, health, vision, lifestyle, personality, etc.
The climax is started with some unsolved problems. Separations. On-off relationship. Then ended with the greatest miserable break-up finale, although they are still caring for each other... And by this moment, the characters realise they are ready to change themselves to make the relationship works.
Choose the ending: happy, bad, happy and sad, unresolved, disappointing, anything, you call it!

Dialogues & Writings
It's on you, writers! Good writings and enticing dialogues... For the longest time, e-read and re-write.

Lately most romances are ended blissfully. They are conveying hopeful messages in this poisonous reality. That makes hope marketable and valuable. Right?

Oh my, I'm so sleepy. Can't think anything right now, but I wonder if there's tragic lifelike romance story lately. Anybody knows?

So random...

Reading Times

Weather:
Chill and bright just like my deserted heart! A failed rhyming homework...

Goal:
Spread the love of reading!

Today's Quote:
"I think of life as a good book. The further you get into it, the more it begins to make sense." - Harold Kushner


Today's topic, reading!
Since I was a kid, as I remember, reading has been an unwinding getaway. Other than playing hide-and-seek or cycling, going to the library during break time and browsing fantasy stories was my childhood memory. Caution: This might lead you to stand alone in the hall or sing in front of people! As we are growing up, our reading taste might be changed or evolved. So here I am, doing my best to record the book types based on the chronologies:

Age 1-10
Mainly attracted to pictorial books and fairy tales with all talking animals and talking objects.
Still remember that time when we talked to toys? Or it was just me?
Favourite nasty blanket? Pen. Pencil. Every object... Yes?
Robin Hood! Gosh! He was... HE IS still my favourite character of all time!
Amazingly I didn't read any Disney book or princess story...

Age 11-14:
Disney time! While every girl in the town have practised what they learned in their primary school, to be beautiful pretty birdies who expand their wings and feel the romance, I just got introduced to Disney and princess stuff. Honestly only Donald Duck caught my interest the most.
You could find me, whether in the library, looking for historical books and manga. Nerd attack! 
Or in the multifunction hall. Watching and playing sports. Basketball. Volleyball. Badminton. Or reading in the hall while watching sports!

Age 15-17:
High school time! Library's main shelves were crowded with Chicken Soup for the Soul and Chick lit. I skipped that area and walked to the corner of classic literature. Thanks to Les Miserables (Penguin Classics), my first book in high school, I am charmed by tragic drama and musical. Learning some expressions and enjoying the drama class...
After buying a random book to accompany me in the bus during holiday, Robin Hobb - Shaman's Crossing, in some way fantasy novels occupied my desk, from The Lord of the Rings to The Hobbit. The time when I dreamed a lot, I could move to the past, present and future!

Age 18-24:
Art is in the air, along with biography and social psychology.
Age 18, the year when I went into a fairy tale exhibition with all gory princess illustrations. I was shocked and instantly looking into the artist's inspiration, the Brothers Grimm version. Mind blowing.
These were the age when you had money to buy your own books. By this time, I had no more space to insert the new books. They were on my desk, on the floor, at the corner of the room. A total mess. I sold some of them. Sobbing. The beginning of advanced technology, with all tablets and smart phones, relieves my space issue. Thank you.

Present days:
Rewriting the quotes and poems in my little red book had become morning habits. I really really like Dorothy Parker's writing! Witty and ironic.
It was all started with my friend who asked a simple question. Have you read Fifty Shades of Grey? Although I knew the overall story because other friend told me (it was our morning conversation), I got curious and started reading. Docile me. I skipped some scenes because there were too much. Too much! Some people can stop immediately after only reading the first book. My basic nature can't do that. No matter how bad or good the book is, I have to know the complete stories.
From there my night is somehow filled by adult romance books which I believe are mostly read by housewives.

What's your favourite book genre?

Traffic and Taken 3

Weather:
RAIN-JAMMED and RADIO GAGA!

Goal:
Have a peace of mind...

Today's Quote:
"If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath." - Amit Ray, Om Chanting and Meditation.


Heigh-ho! I started the day with waking up at 6am. Not amazed with the timing but I was quite amazed with my time guessing. Before waking up, I guessed the time was 6.14am, and it was right! Instinct? I ate some breads with condensed milk, chocolate powder and layers of cheese. That was quite a calories! Forgot the hot chocolate milk along with the steady drizzle. It was wholly relaxing.

Last evening I got a call from the service centre in regards to my Macbook Pro's battery replacement.

After six years companionship, I understand that it needs some services. It felt like I just bought this laptop yesterday. Felt like giving birth to a child and growing up with him/ her, huh? When everything was passing by so fast and people around you get a life changing experience, and me... I believe I still stay the same. Playing Joey McIntyre - Stay The Same. This is one of my karaoke songs! 

On the way to the service centre, the traffic was so devastated. There is always a congestion at this junction, which I'll never know what the reason is. Perhaps it was the two lanes with cars, buses, motorcycles and trucks, same old same old. I listened to the radio to kill the silence. Gosh! Every channel was playing the same song, Mark Ronson & Bruno Mars - Uptown Funk! At first, I didn't know the song, except Bruno's voice and the oldies beat. This is definitely Bruno's. So I used SoundHound, one of my best companions. Surprise, surprise, my guess was right! 70s with modern pop quality, who else does that kind of music and so popular. Let me know if you know someone!

The service was done really fast! This guy was really nice answering all of my unintelligent questions. At least, I was curious, right?

During lunch, I was contended with the same can of worms in my head. What should I do in my life? Food felt so plain lately. I was not in the mood for eating. Stress, maybe...

I was back at home applying here and there, which resulted in nothing, except I got a reply that the employer was not looking for someone abroad. Just like what I expected. I'm just in the wrong place at the wrong time. At this moment, I was in need of someone who slapped me really hard at my face and hugged me tightly, really tight!

Thank goodness, my ex-colleagues asked me out for a movie, Taken 3. Liam Neeson and his voice would keep me away from this infuriating anxiety. We had a first-class economic dinner, chatting and updating about our lives. They were pretty good busy with works, which I'd love to occupy myself with. When they asked about my job hunting, I was explaining the similar thing to every friend that I met who I asked the very same question. And concluded the conversation with: I've done my best, so let's see what will happen next. I don't know if I'm just giving myself a self reassurance, which is sometimes better than self criticism.

Back to Taken 3. I was not really impressed with the overall feature, but quite content to the after movie conversation. It kept us perky! Some spoilers ahead.
Liam Neeson as Bryan Mills, was the best in saving his lovely family with I don't know who, I don't know why lines and superb surviving skills. We know that. I believe nobody is denying that statement. He was the living superhero! I'll be super glad to know someone like that.
Some scenes were just not making any sense. How did he survive this and that? I kept asking this questions to my own self, and assuring myself that it was just a movie. So, skip that logical thinking!
There was maybe an inconsistent character. He who did really well in living his life in a penthouse with high secured shielding by demonstrating his spectacular skill was defeated easily by Mills. I'm pretty sure Bryan Mills was at least a superhuman or this bad character was getting old and forgot sharpening up his skill. It's a movie, stop analysing!
Car vs Plane. The car was as smooth as before after banging the plane's wheel. I might considering picking up my favourite car. Does a car really manage to do that?
Hairstyle. Brian Mills' daughter, Kim had amazing hairstyling skill! Her hair kept changing. Messy. Neat. Messy-neat. Sorry for being a hair freak. Kim's hairstyle was indeed a satisfactory one. I'd be delighted to practise that once my hair is longer.

It is certainly an action movie. Love it? Nah... Like it? Uh... Kinda... Are you going to watch it again? If it's played on TV, yes! A movie date, maybe.

I was driven back to my place. We talked about the upcoming movies in 2015. There were quite numbers of interesting movies. I haven't watched any trailer yet, but I'm really looking forward to it.

Nighty night! Hope you guys have a good day!

Midlife Reassessment: Finding Your Passion

Weather:
DRIZZLE DAMP! with a cup of warm tea...

Goal:
Reassessing my life and finding my passion, purpose of life.

Today's Quote:
“All alone! Whether you like it or not, alone is something you'll be quite a lot!” - Dr. Seuss

Good day to you! Today I woke up at 6.30 am which was pretty unusual, since I didn't read any last night. I usually read a decent lately preoccupied with adult romance novel until midnight which made me performing the infamous dying panda, due to my dark circle and bulged belly, or becoming an evening latte lover in walking dead mode. It is a classic me: read some chapters until 10 or 11pm, take a nap for a while, continue reading from 2-5am, sleep necessarily, and finish the novel while eating insatiably in daylight.

In the last months, it was one of the happiest sorrowful days in my life. Who don't experience this once in a lifetime? Some lucky people, perhaps... The question is... For how long?

I was asking myself, is it the mid-life crisis? A period of transition beginning in the forties until the early sixties. That got me thinking that perhaps the mental age quiz was right. Based on my memory, the result showed that I was in the forties, although I was 26 years old. To stop this perplexing feeling, I decided to reassess myself.

Last November, I made a decision of quitting a job as a designer, which was... right or wrong? Should I quit? Should I not? November, December, Mid- January... In the last approximately two and a half months, I didn't get the usual constant income, although I managed to save a little for a couple next months. This could not stay forever, except I got married to a nice dreamy good-looking wealthy man, which was beyond the bound of possibility. Yeah, where in the world that nice dreamy good looking wealthy man, be realistic! That was one of my friends said. Get a wealthy man! Why it's not possible? Yup, she said that bluntly, which a character that I adore for a friend, to be a straightforward one. The response for that marriage possibility question was a silence. I was dead silent like a rare fish in the deepest dark ocean. Probably dead or acting dead. No one knew. See... I was in the extending far down of the globe. Only a few knew about my existence. This is also one of the examples on how my friends describing me. Unique. Rare. Not exposed. That is one of the reasons I'd love to be introduced to the world out there. Since I am an introvert and live a lot in my own world, I am gladly to take a position where I can make new acquaintances. Conclusion, to get a position where I can meet a lot of people, weird people, good bad people. Let's meet up!

What do you want in your life? Your passion? What do you like? This is probably the hardest one for every living individual on the earth: to know your passion and live it, because by the end of our adolescent years, we usually decide to be a realistic one. "Find a good salary job and live a happy life," a saying of every generation, or our generation only? Well, who don't want that? After finishing my degree, I landed on a pretty decent salary position, did a really good job: I became a head designer in one year. To work hard, do the best, and live your life in everything, that's my motto. I put aside some savings, bought things that I wanted delightfully, and yet still felt empty inside. That was contradicting with what had been taught in the society. So how on earth to be a happy person? One of my friends answered me. Find a special person to share with. Which is somehow true, we'll talk about that somewhere in the future. By this time, I went back to my hometown spending time more with myself, friends, and family. I was still muddled with what I wanted, except my love of drawings, writings, reading, music, and films. I got the almost the same career as previous one, a designer, did a great job also: became a training/ marketing/ senior designer executive. A really busy jack of all trades, I might say. Well, I was the training master who had a good eye in design and pretty much a fool for being a frivolous clown to brighten up the room. At this once, I'd love to brag about myself. One of the senior ex-colleagues wished me luck and said to me that I could survive in this company because of my personality. I believed I could survive in the company, but I couldn't survive myself. Again, I was still feeling empty inside. Doing the abdomen-cutting act, I was quite depressed at this moment. If I continued this dark writing, the topic might be off. Sorry for being so dark. I also realise I love creative people. The creative people who love and understand the concepts of appreciation and different interpretation to every little things, not because of the money. Yup, I met some people who used art for financial purposes and I dislike it somehow. Yeah, I know they are trying to make a living, but that is just not... Not me. We have a different vision. He shares artworks with this financial goal. I share one for the love of art. Money is the consolation price to me. It's a great consolation price, I know it, but I can not lie to myself, sorry babe.

So, after much thought and researching, I decided to take a fresh start. I'd be delighted to be in a industry where I can share my love of arts. I really don't mind working overtime, fetching coffee, picking up laundry, working my ass off to be in that activity. So what do you think? Although I know it's hard to get a job these days, wish me luck for this fresh start job hunting!

Cleaning up my mind thanks to the writing.

Life Size Master Yoda from The Empire Strikes Back

Two weeks ago, while waiting for a meeting to surprise a friend, my colleagues and I had discussion about Star Wars and Lord of the Ring. We were conversing about our enthusiasm, fandom of these two. One of them was a huge Star Wars fan. He had quite some collections. The other one was a Lord of the Rings fan, and we had some similar characteristics. And I....  *indecisive* I'm actually into Lord of the Rings more than Star Wars. But I adore Master Yoda for his wise words, perhaps for his green skin :D

Here is Life Size Master Yoda from The Empire Strikes Back, Star Wars V, that I made in 32.5 hours. He's literally my roommate now.

After Colouring

Details

Framed, Master Yoda and I

I can dye my hair now like Luke. My life is almost complete!

Probably going to watch Star Wars,  Lord of the Rings, and The Hobbit back-to-back. Yay or nay?

A Bouquet

A Bouquet.

I always love the sound of it. In lyrics or writings or when people say it. Here it is, a bouquet of flowers. 

Today's topic is colors experiment. So far, I was VERY comfortable with dark colors, black, grey, and white. Whenever I tried bright colors, eventually it turned dark. Gradually, it became darker and darker. Friends and lecturer were saying the same thing when there was a presentation. I was am a dark person. Dark force within me. Haha. Happy Sunday, people!

Detail