Midlife Reassessment: Finding Your Passion

Weather:
DRIZZLE DAMP! with a cup of warm tea...

Goal:
Reassessing my life and finding my passion, purpose of life.

Today's Quote:
“All alone! Whether you like it or not, alone is something you'll be quite a lot!” - Dr. Seuss

Good day to you! Today I woke up at 6.30 am which was pretty unusual, since I didn't read any last night. I usually read a decent lately preoccupied with adult romance novel until midnight which made me performing the infamous dying panda, due to my dark circle and bulged belly, or becoming an evening latte lover in walking dead mode. It is a classic me: read some chapters until 10 or 11pm, take a nap for a while, continue reading from 2-5am, sleep necessarily, and finish the novel while eating insatiably in daylight.

In the last months, it was one of the happiest sorrowful days in my life. Who don't experience this once in a lifetime? Some lucky people, perhaps... The question is... For how long?

I was asking myself, is it the mid-life crisis? A period of transition beginning in the forties until the early sixties. That got me thinking that perhaps the mental age quiz was right. Based on my memory, the result showed that I was in the forties, although I was 26 years old. To stop this perplexing feeling, I decided to reassess myself.

Last November, I made a decision of quitting a job as a designer, which was... right or wrong? Should I quit? Should I not? November, December, Mid- January... In the last approximately two and a half months, I didn't get the usual constant income, although I managed to save a little for a couple next months. This could not stay forever, except I got married to a nice dreamy good-looking wealthy man, which was beyond the bound of possibility. Yeah, where in the world that nice dreamy good looking wealthy man, be realistic! That was one of my friends said. Get a wealthy man! Why it's not possible? Yup, she said that bluntly, which a character that I adore for a friend, to be a straightforward one. The response for that marriage possibility question was a silence. I was dead silent like a rare fish in the deepest dark ocean. Probably dead or acting dead. No one knew. See... I was in the extending far down of the globe. Only a few knew about my existence. This is also one of the examples on how my friends describing me. Unique. Rare. Not exposed. That is one of the reasons I'd love to be introduced to the world out there. Since I am an introvert and live a lot in my own world, I am gladly to take a position where I can make new acquaintances. Conclusion, to get a position where I can meet a lot of people, weird people, good bad people. Let's meet up!

What do you want in your life? Your passion? What do you like? This is probably the hardest one for every living individual on the earth: to know your passion and live it, because by the end of our adolescent years, we usually decide to be a realistic one. "Find a good salary job and live a happy life," a saying of every generation, or our generation only? Well, who don't want that? After finishing my degree, I landed on a pretty decent salary position, did a really good job: I became a head designer in one year. To work hard, do the best, and live your life in everything, that's my motto. I put aside some savings, bought things that I wanted delightfully, and yet still felt empty inside. That was contradicting with what had been taught in the society. So how on earth to be a happy person? One of my friends answered me. Find a special person to share with. Which is somehow true, we'll talk about that somewhere in the future. By this time, I went back to my hometown spending time more with myself, friends, and family. I was still muddled with what I wanted, except my love of drawings, writings, reading, music, and films. I got the almost the same career as previous one, a designer, did a great job also: became a training/ marketing/ senior designer executive. A really busy jack of all trades, I might say. Well, I was the training master who had a good eye in design and pretty much a fool for being a frivolous clown to brighten up the room. At this once, I'd love to brag about myself. One of the senior ex-colleagues wished me luck and said to me that I could survive in this company because of my personality. I believed I could survive in the company, but I couldn't survive myself. Again, I was still feeling empty inside. Doing the abdomen-cutting act, I was quite depressed at this moment. If I continued this dark writing, the topic might be off. Sorry for being so dark. I also realise I love creative people. The creative people who love and understand the concepts of appreciation and different interpretation to every little things, not because of the money. Yup, I met some people who used art for financial purposes and I dislike it somehow. Yeah, I know they are trying to make a living, but that is just not... Not me. We have a different vision. He shares artworks with this financial goal. I share one for the love of art. Money is the consolation price to me. It's a great consolation price, I know it, but I can not lie to myself, sorry babe.

So, after much thought and researching, I decided to take a fresh start. I'd be delighted to be in a industry where I can share my love of arts. I really don't mind working overtime, fetching coffee, picking up laundry, working my ass off to be in that activity. So what do you think? Although I know it's hard to get a job these days, wish me luck for this fresh start job hunting!

Cleaning up my mind thanks to the writing.